Today, an early morning for me, I was busy with my work, coffee on table and mind in laptop. Hundreds of thoughts were struggling to distract my mind, my calender was blocked with back to back meetings and i realized again a day without breakfast. A remainder popped up on screen for meeting in next 15 mins, i was really trying hard to finish my task before the meeting thinking about the pending things because of back to back meetings. Suddenly my mobile screen captured my attention, a text message from a known number, i tapped the screen to read the msg, and it says “Can i have a word with you..!!?”
It took nano seconds for my mind to go into flashback.. and..
This alarm, how i hate it..!! i snoozed it for next 10 mins and felt happy to grab back my blanket and my phone beeped, A WhatsApp msg “Good Morning Dear, get up else u will be late” . The inner me smiled with a reply msg “Good Morning “.
I started my day, i was busy with stuffs but my heart and mind both at the same time were very happy and still in the morning msg mood. It was just few days before we met and i still wonder how we turned up into such close friends or more than that. In our hectic schdule also we will have long conversations, its now a part of routine. We are aware of each and everything going on in each others life, we console, pamper, scold,care and internally Love each other but the feelings are unexpressed. We never felt sharing that special feeling, moreover we started feeling it.
“Blah Blah Blah” our fav cafe to hang out every evening, on our fav table with fav espresso with ofcourse the most fav person and the time,it flies, all the frustration of the day gets dissolve in that one sip of coffee, and we started talking, teasing, meanwhile flirting and caring too. It was 9pm and i had to go back to pg(paying guests) since 10 was the deadline, so we left the cafe and as he wanted to spend some more time together we started walking, the cafe was 20 mins from my pg, the cold breeze was touching us, we slowed, the feelings inside us was getting stronger with the time we spend together and the beautiful nature and climate makes it more beautiful and delight. Words were not sufficient for the love we both were feeling for each other. We couldn’t speak anything and he holded my hand. That was one of the most precious moment of my life, i felt i was on cloud nine.Silently we continued walking without uttering a single word.It was time to go back to pg as we reached destination. Its too hard to depart even though its just for few hours, we waved each other and went back to our homes. I was deeply into his thoughts, i was feeling very light, very happy, very free.. I realized I was in Love.. and a question popped up in my mind, was he feeling the same?? I smiled and sent him a Good Night msg.
Its now been a year, Its his Birthday today, i was all set to surprise him, I did all my surpirse plan in the cafe and i called him, after getting 2 unanswered calls, i texted him, “See you at 11”. And here he was, in a black tshirt with blue denim, i always wanted to say this to him that u look Dashing but never did so, probably will never do. He came closer, i moved forward and wished him with a bunch of flowers, i wanted to Hug him, express all my love, but i stopped myself, perhaps he understood or he wanted the same, he holded my hand and pulled me towards him, we hugged. I holded him like never before, like its the last time and tears rolled down my cheeks. We looked at each other, i could see his eyes wet and again we didn’t spoke anything. We spent the whole day together after the celebration, days passes and we had so many beautiful memories to remember.
I called him, “Its raining heavily here, could you pick me up?” and he replied “Will be there in 20 mins dear” I was waiting for him, and one thought comes in mind every now and then that disturbed me alot nowadays,” if not now, when? “ I wanted to tell him that what i feel for him, also wanted to know his feelings about me. I was lost in my thoughts and i heard somebody Honking, i peeped it was him. I sat on the front seat next to him and we headed off towards the cafe, he was sad, I noticed his disturbance. I aksed twice, he was silent. We reached cafe, on the same table,same coffee, i again asked him, this time by holding his hand, he looked into my eyes, with a tear drop he said “My Mom selected a girl for me, I am getting engaged” I was silent, I didn’t had words to speak, I was shattered. I got up to leave cafe, he tried and stopped me, i turned and replied “leave me alone for a while” I walked to my pg, it was rain or tears only god knows, the sky was crying along. The nature has a beauty, it never leaves you alone, if you are happy, it makes you feel more happier and if sad, it cries with you..!!
I reached pg, there were 10 missed calls , and so many text msgs. I replied saying “Do you Love me?” and he replied “I love my Mom too..” and that day i heard the sound of heart break, I didn’t understood whether he loved me or it was only one sided. I was depressed, the days were too depressing and the nights were too long, why the hell god created feelings. Why he did that with me? Why he is not there? Why i love him? What Mistake i did? Am i not deserving? and hell lot of questions were running in my mind.I tried to ignore him and I changed my complete routine, i kept myself too busy so that i should not get time to think about self also, but all my failure attempts, none of them worked taking him out of my mind. I kept checking his facebook timeline and other social media to get an update of his engagement but seems he didn’t updated any of them. Everyday his msgs and missed calls remained same and finally a day i made him stop that too.
It was almost 6 months now and a day, i got to know through a common friend that he didn’t got engaged, the reason was unknown and i ignored. I reacted quite casually as if it doesn’t make difference to me. Those words kept running in my mind for a long time and months passed, after so many months also i couldn’t learn to live without him, i learnt to ignore my feelings, i learnt to keep myself busy, i learnt how to live life alone.. i learnt a lesson.. and it sadly continued..
The present day.., remainder popped up again for “0” mins, it was a final call for meeting, my eyes were still on phone and one more msg “Something about us, A word with coffee..??”
and i replied “Catch you in the evening, same place, same time.. !!” ☺️☺️